Cosmo’s Pizza: Not for the Sober-Hearted

Authors: C. R. Roberts, A. F. Price, R. D. Moghe, J. B. Arkin, B. D. Pereksta, J. A. McDaniel

Abstract:

We set out to confirm why Cosmo’s is so highly rated on some websites [4] and to refute the negative Yelp reviews [1][2][3]. By conducting a controlled chimpanzee study, we determined that there is a positive correlation between the blood alcohol concentration (BAC) and the value of Cosmo’s Pizza. From this study we moved to human trials in which we determined the satisfaction that young women (ages 18-22) received from the consumption of Cosmo’s Pizza when drunk, which also resulted in a positive correlation of satisfaction and BAC. To reinforce our data, we took a random sampling of students from the University of Colorado whose BAC was determined via a breathalyzer and asked them to verbally state their levels of satisfaction with Cosmo’s Pizza.

Introduction:

Previous reviews have stated that Cosmo’s pizza was a disappointment [1], not hot nor fresh [2], and insanely expensive [3]. We are studying the effects of alcohol on the satisfaction of the consumption of Cosmo’s pizza. We hypothesize that the above-stated downsides of Cosmo’s pizza are negligible when a subject’s blood alcohol concentration is above a .15, or 15%.

Methods:

Chimpanzee-based studies were first conducted to see the determined value of Cosmo’s pizza when sober compared to inebriated. This study involved the dosing of chimpanzees with intravenous ethanol (5 ml of 95% to achieve). Each chimpanzee was given a slice of Cosmo’s pizza and their normal diet of vegetables when sober, and after the introduction of alcohol. Their reaction was recorded.

Next, human-based studies consisting of college women (ages 18-22) who stated they were on a diet, were conducted. A similar study was conducted as on the chimpanzees. 100 women were given the choice between salad and pizza when sober and intoxicated (4 drink level over a period of 1 hour and 30 minutes). Their choices were recorded.

Finally, we took a random sampling of University of Colorado undergraduate students from the times of 12-2 am on wednesday through saturday nights and correlated their enjoyment with their level of sobriety (inverse of blood alcohol level). Students were given several slices of Cosmo’s pizza and a survey. They were given a breathalyzer to determine their BAC. Their enjoyment of the pizza was recorded based on answers to the survey questions.

Results:

With the chimpanzee study, we determined that the presence of ethanol in the system, rewires the neurocircuitry of the brain in a way that causes the value of Cosmo’s Pizza to increase from nil to immeasurable amounts.  We found that as the level of alcohol in the subject’s blood increased, their consumption and enjoyment of said consumption of Cosmo’s pizza increased. The chimpanzees refused to eat the pizza before the introduction of alcohol, while after their intoxication they consistently chose the pizza over their more standard foods.

In the study of college women on diets, the results were similar. Only 24 of the women chose Cosmo’s over the salad while sober. When they were intoxicated, the results were flipped with 75 of 100 women choosing Cosmo’s over salad.

In the final test, we saw that the level that students enjoyed Cosmo’s pizza peaked at a BAC of 0.15. However, we found that once the subject reached a blood alcohol level greater than .15, the subject’s enjoyment began to greatly diminish until the point of having a blood alcohol level of .4, which usually results in death. It is interesting to note, that students who ate the pizza with spicy ranch, consistently rated the pizza higher than those who did not.

Alcohol Dieting alcoholLimitations:

Limitations to this study should be considered when evaluating the data and results presented. During many trials, both the subjects and researchers had been exposed to copious amounts of ethanol which may have inhibited the researchers’ abilities to conduct experiments and the subjects abilities to denote value and ratings of satisfaction to our researchers.

Discussion: Subjects consistently chose the pizza over other options and showed a higher enjoyment of the pizza when intoxicated. This leads us to come to the conclusion that Cosmo’s pizza is in fact more desirable after the consumption of alcohol. Wiser food choices were foregone by subjects for the possibility of eating the pizza. Future testing needs to be done on the application of spicy ranch to the desirability of the pizza. We saw that some subjects chose to add it to their pizza and were consistently happier with their meal.

After conducting this study, the researchers decided to conduct on-field auto-ethnographic research. From what the researchers can remember, and it isn’t very much, our conclusions from both the subject-based and auto-ethnographic research supported our hypothesis. We must note that during this auto-ethnographic trial, 4 out of 6 of the researchers did not remember anything.

References:

[1] Jen A. Boston, MA

[2] Mike S. Boulder, Co

[3] Allison S. Boulder, Co

[4] http://www.thrillist.com/eat/nation/best-college-drunk-food

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